“How do you want to serve the world today?” It’s a question I’ve been asking myself regularly for some time now. I keep it written on a post-it note stuck on the end table next to my bed, the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. Up until recently I hadn’t had a real answer for that question, it was more of a prompt to motivate me to see past things I disliked about my workday, to try to get myself to some core of good I hoped to reach despite the distractions and frustrations of my 9 to 5 desk job. When I started massage school I started to more clearly see how I could answer that question, not just as a philosophical concept or a gimmick to get me out of a negative thought loop, but as a calling, as a literal action that included my entire being, inside and out. It feels as though I’ve finally found a way not only to serve but to want to serve. In many ways this feeling grew from all the ways massage has served me, helping me begin to practice self-acceptance and exposing me in practice to the idea of “unconditional positive regard.”
For me this journey really started about 5 years ago, that’s when it began, or more accurately that’s when my mind started to shift. For most of my life I’d avoided touch – a squeeze on the arm, a hug from a friend, a variety fairly minor expressions of intimacy, all were off limits to me. I’d decided I was untouchable, I’m not sure at what point that belief crystallized but by an early age it took hold, becoming a fairly solid and formidable block in my outlook. This is not to say I lived a completely cold and touchless existence but more a reference to the framework in which I placed my body and the emotional recoil I experienced with most forms of touch because I lacked true self-acceptance. I had always been a lover of knowledge though, studying various philosophies and seeking out all opportunities for growth. As my mind expanded, the boundaries of the box I’d put myself in began to become more and more constricting. Finally, in my tender thirties, it hit me square between the eyes, this was a choice, the boundaries I accept and maintain are a choice. It was clear to me that I didn’t want to live the remaining years left to me in a sort of tightly bound misery, boxed in by walls of fear and self-loathing that I’d accepted without question. More and more I was exposed to new ways of thinking about the body, the beginnings of the now popular body positivity movement, concepts of radical acceptance and self-love, things that were always there somewhere on the fringe but had never been accessible to me in my youth. At the same time I’d taken a job with an amazing Spa & Resort in Austin, TX, an opportunity that exposed me daily to so many more ways of thinking about holistic health and wellness. This environment also changed my understanding of how we think about work, those we work with, and how I think of myself in relation to others. For me it was very much an experience of emotional rehabilitation from many years in a strict corporate environment and the bevy of negative self-talk I’d indoctrinated myself in.
After some time in the Spa environment, I finally decided to dip my toe, literally, into the practice by trying reflexology massage. Fully covered, work applied mostly to my feet, legs and hands, some brush work, but very enjoyable and not as scary as expected. My bravery began to grow and I talked myself into taking the plunge, a full 60 minutes of hands on full body Swedish. It was the most exposed I’d ever been (despite perfectly applied modest draping) and it was amazing! The massage itself was exceptional and the experience was truly liberating. Though it sounds cliche, I was reborn on some level, previously closed parts of me started to open, my sense of self began to morph into something more unified, healthier and stronger. I threw myself into the exploration of self-acceptance, self-care and self-love (well…at least to the degree my budget would allow). I found a massage therapist that fit my needs and worked with her on a monthly basis for over a year as part of my commitment to self-care and body-acceptance. It worked, it’s still working. I had know for years that massage had physical benefits but hadn’t truly appreciated the psychological benefits until I began to explore the practice myself. The more experience I had with the practice of massage and different modalities, the more I wanted to explore it as a practitioner to gain additional understanding and to bring the benefits to others, including people like me that may have or are struggling with issues of self-acceptance or may not have touch as a regular part of their lives.
I recently watched a great talk by Jane Anderson for TEDx UofM titled “The Power of Touch.” In it she says “The only sense we can’t live without is touch…without it we are depressed, unhealthy and we can’t thrive.” She made several great points in her talk and I highly recommend it but this one in particular really caught my attention. When I consider the modern condition – how often people are isolated, our often long stressful days, constantly connected but never really present, the challenge of trying to do all the things while still finding time to eat (let alone eating healthy); I think that therapies like massage become almost essential for self-care. With all that in mind, I hope to further the art and science of massage therapy in order to not only provide physical relief and healing but to provide an opportunity to reconnect people to themselves, to become present in their bodies, to hold space for them and to provide the energy of full acceptance. The mind body connection holds so much healing power and being able to facilitate an individual’s journey towards health and well-being is a blessing.
